I’m one of those people who love Christmas but absolutely loathe New Year. We never do anything to mark it as a family, and because I don’t have many friends here at home, I can usually be found in my room with a dvd or listening to music while waiting for the fireworks to go off just so I can go to bed. I used to be one for new year’s resolutions, but I’d never keep them, so I kind of got stuck in a rut…
This year then, I’m trying to change my outlook and resolve to have a good year all year round, and have a more positive outlook, away from my usual ‘another new year, same old same old… no job, no love life, London being the only place I feel really happy’, yada yada. I read somewhere that to try and be happy & make most of every day, every day you should do something you love, which I do by writing or by getting lost in a book. It also says you should try and do something that scares you a little bit. I’m doing this tomorrow: I’m getting the train to London for the first time without my dad. I won’t be completely alone as my carer is coming with me, but for me that’s a pretty big step. I’m not going to lie, the thought of going to London without my dad petrifies me. He, unlike me doesn’t find he’s easily fazed by crowds, and knows immediately, wherever he might be in town, how to get from A to B no trouble at all. I’m not saying I don’t, god knows I go to London enough, but I have it easy as I just have to follow him and the thought of actually making my own way frightens me. Saying that, I do know that I’m set to have an awesome day: I’m going to see an incredible production that I never thought I’d be lucky enough to see a second time with great friends and two of my favourite leading men. If anything does go wrong, my parents aren’t far away and that my pals will look after me for the duration of the show.
The phone call was most amusing, I tried to get the final night as I’m in town for a matinée then, and the following conversation (and internal monologue) took place between me and the lady at the box office:
‘We don’t have the final night, but I know the wheelchair space is available, let me check!’
‘Right, we have the 14th?’
*my brain* ‘That’s midweek. See if they have a Saturday when dad is not at football. Midweek you NUMPTY, don’t do that’
*my mouth* ‘Yes, I’ll take that please.’
I recall putting down the phone and sorting my train tickets, and for a long while after was just in a state of ‘oh my god why did you think this would be a good idea’ kind of panic.
On reflection though, I calmed down and think it’s a step I need to take in order to be more independent. My carer has always said she’s happy to take me if and when I wanted, she’s an ex Londoner herself, and whatever my parents misgivings (believe me there are plenty, as is their prerogative) if I don’t give it a shot now, I don’t think I ever will.
To quote one of my favourite films: ‘Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgement that something else is more important than fear’. I want to try and keep this in mind because if this trip goes well, the sky is the limit and who knows what this year might bring!